Snow White Script Excerpt |
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The inept Bogwort and Stinkwort have been ordered by the wicked Queen to take Snow White on a picnic in the woods in order to murder her… |
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STINK. |
Oh, Boggy. I don’t want to do this |
BOG. |
Neither do I, but we can’t go back to the Queen empty handed. Otherwise it’s - (Mimes cutting throat.) |
STINK. |
I know! I know! But killing Snow White! |
BOG. |
I tell you what. Only one of us needs to do it. Let’s toss a coin to choose who. |
STINK. |
Alright then. |
BOG. |
Heads I win - tails you lose. OK? |
STINK. |
OK. |
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(BOGWORT tosses coin.) |
BOG. |
I’m really sorry, Stinky. It’s tails. |
STINK. |
Oh, no! I always lose! |
BOG. |
She’s coming! Now just remember – (Indicates picnic hamper.) all the weapons are in there. |
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SNOW W. |
(entering) I’m really hungry! I think we should eat. (Goes to hamper.) |
STINK. |
(bursting into tears) No, Snow White! (To BOGWORT.) Oh, Boggy, I can’t!!! |
SNOW W. |
Stinkwort. What’s the matter? |
STINK. |
(wailing) I’m really, really sorry, it’s just - |
BOG. |
He’s hungry, Miss. He’s crying with hunger that’s all. |
SNOW W. |
Oh, poor Stinkwort - let’s unpack the hamper then. |
STINK. |
No, don’t unpack the hamper! |
BOG. |
We’ve got to unpack the hamper, Stinky. |
STINK. |
No, no, no, don’t unpack the hamper! |
SNOW W. |
Why ever not? (Opening hamper.) It’s the only way we’re going to – (SNOW WHITE has opened the hamper. It’s full of assorted weapons.) I don’t understand. It’s full of guns and daggers and - a club! (Taking out weapons.) Why have you brought all these horrible things to the wood? |
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STINK. |
(blurting it out) Because the Queen wants us to murder you! |
SNOW W. |
Murder me? |
BOG. |
Have a bit of tact, Stinky! I’m really sorry about this, Snow White. We were meaning to tell you. But we just couldn’t find a good moment. |
SNOW W. |
But why does she want to murder me? |
BOG. |
I really don’t know, Snow White – look, let’s not make things any more difficult than they already are - Stinkwort, here, is a highly trained - (A renewed burst of sobbing from STINKWORT.) |
SNOW W. |
Stinkwort? Stinkwort’s going to do this? |
STINK. |
But, I can’t! |
BOG. |
Pull yourself together, Stinky! |
SNOW W. |
(grabbing the club) Well, if you want Stinkwort to murder me, you’ll have to catch me first! |
BOG. |
Hey, give that back! |
SNOW W. |
(Bashing BOGWORT who clatters into STINKWORT.) Here you are, take that – and that – and that! (Runs off.) |
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