“Perfect, Proper Panto” - The Times
TREASURE ISLAND PANTOMIME SCRIPT
Long John Silver may be a dastardly villain, but he’s reckoned without the Ladies of the Smuggler’s Cove Women’s Institute! Written for a large cast, this is a madcap, laugh a minute pirate adventure story from start to finish!
16 Characters, plus 7 Smaller Roles, plus Chorus Etc.
Run time approx: 2 hours plus interval.
TREASURE ISLAND PANTO SCRIPT EXCERPT
The Admiral Benbow. Old fashioned, rough and ready pub. Bar, wooden tables and chairs etc.
MUM HAWKINS, JIM HAWKINS, BILLY BONES and the CHORUS as CUSTOMERS (Various seafaring ne’er do wells and their girlfriends), are discovered enjoying a rousing singsong... Up tempo OPENING NUMBER.
MUM:
Hello everybody and welcome to the Admiral Benbow – the home of neighbourly good cheer and friendly fellowship!
(The CHORUS loudly greet each other, shake hands, hug and back slap each other.)
Merry jests, happy laughter –
(The CHORUS all roar with laughter.)
And open-handed generosity, where someone is always ready to stand the next round!
(The CHORUS are immediately silent and sit sheepishly at their tables etc. BILLY BONES is sat on his sea chest.)
What a po-faced, stingy lot. You’d think we were in (Local town or village.)
JIM:
It’s no good, Mum. Times are hard.
MUM:
I know, Jim, I know – (to Audience) that’s my son, Jim. And he’s right – times are hard! And me, a poor wife, all alone in the world, except for my husband upstairs in bed at death’s door…!
(KITTIE, a maid, runs on.)
KITTIE:
Mrs Hawkins! Mrs Hawkins!
MUM:
Yes, what is it, Kittie?
KITTIE:
He’s gone, Mrs Hawkins, he’s gone!
MUM
Gone?
KITTIE:
Gone!! (Bursts into tears and exits.)
MUM:
I’ll start again – And me a poor widow woman, all alone in the world, except for my son Jim, my maid Kittie, a pub-full of regulars -
(CHORUS suddenly spring to life, laughing, shouting and animatedly drinking etc.)
Who never pay for their drinks!
(CHORUS instantly resume their sheepish silence.)
And all my husband’s debts! What are we going to do, Jim?
JIM:
I don’t know, Mum. There must be some way I can seek our fortune.
MUM:
Oh, what a brave lad you are! After all, there’s not much point in asking that lot of lazy, good for nothing seafaring ne’er-do-wells!
(CHORUS immediately spring raucously back into life.)
Will you shut up!
(CHORUS instantly resume their sheepish silence.
KITTIE rushes back in.)
KITTIE:
MUM:
KITTIE:
Mrs Hawkins, Mrs Hawkins!
Yes, what is it, Kittie?
It’s a miracle!
MUM:
KITTIE:
MUM:
KITTIE:
MUM:
What is?
He lives!!
Lives?
Lives!! (Bursts into tears and exits.)
Right. I’m going to start one more time… And me, a poor wife, all alone in the world, except for my husband still upstairs in bed at death’s door, my son Jim, my maid Kittie, a pub-full of regulars -
(CHORUS suddenly spring to life, laughing and shouting etc.)
Will you just shut it!
(CHORUS are once again sheepishly silent.)
And all my husband’s debts! What are we going to do, Jim?
JIM:
I don’t know, Mum. There must be some way I can seek our fortune.
MUM:
Oh, what a brave lad you are! After all, there’s not much point in asking that lot of lazy, good for nothing seafaring ne’er-do-wells!
(CHORUS immediately spring raucously back into life.)
I said, shut it!
(CHORUS instantly resume their sheepish silence.)
We seem to be going round in circles!
(KITTIE rushes back in.)
KITTIE:
Mrs Hawkins, Mrs Hawkins…!
MUM:
(interrupting) I’m not interested!
(KITTIE bursts into tears and exits.)
(To Audience.) Sufficient to say, we’ve got no money, and Squire Trelawney will be here any minute for his rent!
SQUIRE:
MUM:
SQUIRE:
MUM:
SQUIRE:
(entering) Mrs Hawkins!
Squire Trelawney!
I’m here for my rent.
(to Audience.) You, see?
Dashed inconvenient I know – what with you being a poor wife, all alone in the world, except for your husband upstairs in bed at death’s door, your son Jim, your maid Kittie, a pub-full of regulars -
(CHORUS spring to life, laughing and shouting etc.)
MUM:
Shut it!
(CHORUS are immediately silent.)
SQUIRE:
And all your husband’s debts. (Looks bemusedly at the silent CHORUS for a moment.)
MUM:
(Aside to Audience.) Fortunately, the Squire’s a bit dim - with a terrible weakness for spotted dick.
SQUIRE:
Anyway, I was just on my way to the Smuggler’s Cove Women’s Institute to judge the cake baking competition – when I thought, ‘I know, why don’t I drop in at the Admiral Benbow and collect my cash?!’
MUM:
Well, isn’t that nice, in fact you’re the very person I was hoping to see!
SQUIRE:
MUM:
SQUIRE:
MUM:
I am?
You are. Because I need your opinion. I’ve just been baking –
(hopefully) Spotted dick?
Oh, Squire. You’re ahead of me – my extra special spotted dick! Would you like a nibble?
SQUIRE:
MUM:
SQUIRE:
MUM:
SQUIRE:
MUM:
Oh, Mrs Hawkins -
(indicating wing) It’s out there waiting for you.
You know my weakness!
I could cover it in custard.
Oh, I say!
(gesturing) Shall we go through? (Aside, as SQUIRE exits.) It’s always the same. A bit of spotted dick and he’s gone! (Exits.)
TREASURE ISLAND CHARACTERS
-
Mrs Hawkins (Jim’s Mum. Warm hearted, rumbustious Dame)
-
Kittie (A maid. Scene 1 only)
-
Jim Hawkins (Principal Boy)
-
Squire Trelawney (A bit dim)
-
Jenny Trelawney (The Squire’s daughter. Principal Girl)
-
Seadog Sam (A pirate)
-
Seaweed Willy (A nice pirate)
-
Billy Bones (Scene 1 only)
-
Long John Silver (Pirate Leader and Villain of the Piece)
-
Blood Boiler (A ferocious pirate)
-
Gizzard Slitter (A very ferocious pirate)
-
The Fridge (A very big ferocious pirate)
-
Polly (A parrot in her 70’s)
-
Mrs Henderson (Chair of the Smuggler’s Cove WI)
-
Mrs Battersby (WI Members with scripted lines)
-
Mrs Snook
-
Mrs Carter-Brown
-
Mrs Tubb
-
Mrs Dodd
-
Mrs Parker (Vice Chair of the Smuggler’s Cove WI)
-
Miss Normington (‘Doris’ a Senior and independently minded WI Member)
-
Ben Gunn (Shipwrecked Ship’s Photographer)
-
Captain Bloodheart (Non speaking role, Scene 9 only)
-
Chorus as Pub Customers, Pirates, WI Members, Ghosts etc.
Treasure Island photos by Laura Ioana V.
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