Puss in Boots Script Excerpt

The Miller's sons, Jasper and Jethro, are about to read his will...

JASPER.

Right Jethro. Finally, we're alone. Let's read this will! (Produces it.)

JETHRO.

Hey, Jasper. I reckon Betty fancies me!

JASPER.

You don't want to worry about her. She's just a girl from the village.

JETHRO.

But I like her. I think she's really dreamy!

JASPER.

She's ok, yeah - but when we're rich we'll be able to have all the girls we want!

JETHRO.

What? You mean, like actually take them to the pictures and things?

JASPER.

Exactly! "And things!" That is exactly what I mean, Jethro. (Suggestively.) "And things...!" (Winks elaborately.)

JETHRO.

What sort of things?

JASPER.

Well - you know... (He is at a loss for words.) Nice things! And I tell you what, Jethro...

JETHRO.

What?

JASPER.

I do like girls.

JETHRO.

Me too! I like Betty... (Longingly) Oooooh!

JASPER.

You'll get plenty of "ooooh" when we're rich. Now, let's read this will. We're completely alone.

JETHRO.

Hey, Jasper -

JASPER.

What is it now?

JETHRO.

We're not alone. (Points to Audience.) Look!

 

(Houselights up.)

JASPER.

(looking) Oh, my goodness!

JETHRO.

What?

JASPER.

Look at them! Half of them are girls!

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JETHRO.

Girls?? Real ones?

JASPER.

Real, live girls! (Starting to leave the stage.) Well, hello Ladies!

JETHRO.

Where are you going?

JASPER.

(descending into the audience) I’m just going to say hello to some of these beautiful girls - 'cos there are some very lovely people of the female persuasion in the house tonight!!

JETHRO.

Hey, Jasper, come back!

JASPER.

(choosing an audience member) Ding dong! Hello, Gorgeous, what's your name...? Daphne...? And can I ask you a personal question, Daphne...? How old are you Daphne...? Fifty six? And I thought you were twenty one!

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