JACK AND THE BEANSTALK PANTOMIME SCRIPT

This award-winning Jack and the Beanstalk pantomime script has everything!

A cracking adventure story, along with some great twists on established panto routines – the audience member ‘helping’ with the milking routine is an hilarious and complete disaster!

At the show’s heart is the wonderful comic powerhouse of Dame Trot, Simple Simon and Daisy the Cow, along with a very funny Giant and lots of work for the Chorus as everything from Villagers to Cockroaches.

The Dancing Tree routine is one of Ben’s most inspired comic ideas and there are delightful cameo roles for children. Check out the excerpt below!

CAST SIZE: 9 Characters, plus 2-person Cow, plus 4 Children’s Cameo Roles, plus Chorus Etc.

RUN TIME: 2 hrs plus interval

“I am delighted to advise that the script went down well with cast and audience alike, with many saying it was one of the funniest we have performed (particularly the tree!)”

Steve Oakes, Colnbrook Amateur Stage Theatre

EXCERPT - JACK AND THE BEANSTALK PANTO SCRIPT

Dame Trot, Simple Simon and the King are running away from the Giant. Unfortunately, they’ve reckoned without the Cockroach Guards (usually played by children).

KING:

DAME:

SIMON:

SARGE:

DAME:

COCKR'S

DAME:

COCKR'S:

DAME:

SARGE:

DAME:

COCKR'S:

SARGE:

SMITH:

SARGE:

SMITH:

SARGE:

SMITH:

(very breathless) That’s far enough, I can’t run any further.

I think we’ve lost him.

It’s very creepy here though.

(on mic - offstage) Intruder patrol!

What’s that?

(Singing off) We don’t care that we’re not tall

Cos Way-Up-High we’re havin’ a ball!

Freeze!

(They ALL freeze in unlikely positions. A group of several COCKROACHES enter marching.)

(Singing) Feeee, Fiiiii, fo and fum

Anyone sees us they’re gonna run!

Go to your left, your right, your left

Go to your left, your right, your left – hey!

(COCKOACHES exit marching - the four on stage relax.)

Phew! That was close.

(off) All clear!

They’re coming back!

(The COCKROACHES march back on stage, as the four re-freeze in even more unlikely positions.)

If we find you, better watch out

You’ll get eaten, aint no doubt!

Feeee, Fiiiii, fo and fum

Anyone sees us they’re gonna run!

HALT!!!

(The COCKROACHES halt to attention.)

Stand easy.

(COCKROACH SMITH raises his hand.)

What is it Cockroach Smith?

Permission to smoke, Sarge?

Permission denied.

(whining) Oh, Sarge.

You should know better, Cockroach Smith!

(crestfallen) Sorry, Sarge.

(COCKROACH JONES raises his hand.)

Yes, Cockroach Chetwyn-Douglas-Scott?

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C-D-S:

Can we all have a marshmallow, Sarge?

SARGE:

Good idea, Cockroach Chetwyn-Douglas-Scott. Let’s all have a marshmallow.

(They all take out their marshmallows and eat contentedly for a moment.)

Right. Everyone finished?

(They all nod, swallowing hastily.)

Good. Now, there may be other intruders about, so we need to look vicious, horrible and nasty. So, let me see it in your faces!

(COCKROACHES pull vicious faces.)

And in your attitudes!

(COCKROACHES maintain faces and assume threatening attitudes.)

And in your blood curdling sounds of warlike doom!

(COCKROACHES all blow a loud raspberry.)

Excellent! I’m proud to serve with you. We’ll set out on patrol again – and if any of you see the castle ghost, blow him one of those!

(COCKROACHES all blow another raspberry.)

Massive. (Cadence calling) We don’t care that we’re not tall!

COCKR'S:

(marching off) Cos Way-Up-High we’re havin’ a ball!

Feeee, Fiiiii, fo and fum

Anyone sees us they’re gonna run!

Go to your left, your right, your left,

Go to your left, your right, your left – hey!

DAME:

Phew - they didn’t see us!

KING:

Luckily, we’re expert at concealment.

SIMON:

Yes, but what about that castle ghost? I don’t like ghosts!

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LIST OF CHARACTERS

Edena the Eco Fairy (A homespun, country girl)
Slimeball (The Giant’s henchman. A bit of a spiv.)
Jack Trot (Principal Boy)
Princess Demelza (Principal Girl)
King Bertram (Officious, pompous and overconfident in his abilities)
Flunkit (The Royal Flunky. Always out of his depth)
Dame Trot (Warm hearted, rumbustious Dame)
Simple Simon (Dame Trot’s cowman. Lovable and slightly vulnerable)
Daisy the Cow (Full of bovine mischief)
Giant Blunderbore (In love with Demelza – but lacks a moral compass!)
Chorus as Villagers, Fairies, Cockroaches *, Ghosts Etc.
* I have specified Cockroaches, but feel free to change to whatever you fancy costuming!