Beauty and the Beast

 

CAPUCINE has interrupted JACQUES' doomed attempts to train FELIX – who is a giant French poodle. They are both much taken with her…

CAPUCINE.

What a lovely dog.

FELIX.

Thank you so much. I just want to say that you are lovely too! As lovely, as lovely, as lovely!

CAPUCINE.

(taken aback) Thank you.

FELIX.

Stroke my nose, rub my ears, tickle my tummy, tickle my tummy!
(Lies on the ground kicking legs in the air.)

JACQUES.

Felix!

CAPUCINE.

(rubbing his tummy) That’s OK. I like dogs.

FELIX.

(lunging up to CAPUCINE) And I like girls!

  

CAPUCINE.

(Avoiding FELIX’S lunge. To JACQUES) My name’s Capucine. What’s yours?

FELIX.

My name’s Felix!  Rub that bit there. Please! Just that bit there.

 

(CAPUCINE does so. JACQUES tries to join in and rubs FELIX’S tummy.)

FELIX.

(smacking JACQUES’ hand) Not you!

JACQUES.

Felix! (To CAPUCINE) Jacques. My name’s Jacques.

CAPUCINE.

(to FELIX) There. That’s enough. (Goes to JACQUES.)

FELIX.

Oh.

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CAPUCINE.

I’ve been meaning to say hello, you’re new to the village aren’t you?

JACQUES.

Yes, I suppose we are.

CAPUCINE.

I live here alone.

JACQUES & FELIX.

(with simultaneous interest) All alone?

CAPUCINE.

It happens, I’m afraid. My father was the blacksmith, but he left the forge to me – and so now I’m the blacksmith.

JACQUES.

That’s an unusual –

CAPUCINE.

Job for a girl? Fortunately I fit the job description. I’m enormously strong. Well, it was lovely to meet you. (Holds out hand to shake.)

JACQUES.

Yes, it was.

 

(They shake hands. CAPUCINE applies no apparent effort, but JACQUES is bent double by her vice like grip.)

CAPUCINE.

Oh, sorry. Did I hurt you? I’m always doing that.

JACQUES.

No, no, not at all, it was nothing.

FELIX.

Do it to me. Do it to me. I want to feel it! (They shake hands) Yeeow! That is so painful! Do it again!

JACQUES.

Look, Felix, I don’t think –

FELIX.

(shaking hands) Yeeow! Again, again!

JACQUES.

I’m sorry about this.

FELIX.

Strong women are so attractive! I’m warm, intelligent and I love long walks in the country. Could you be the one for me?

CAPUCINE.

But you’re a dog!

FELIX.

I’m open minded!

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